![]() ![]() “My son does have siblings, though not blood related, and by proxy he has a host of ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ as well as special older friends.” “We only have one child, and when we made that decision, we also made the choice to actively create a community that mimicked a family,” said Norman Nathman, editor of the anthology on motherhood called “The Good Mother Myth: Redefining Motherhood to Fit Reality.” ![]() While her 8-year-old son is lucky to have both sets of grandparents, she and her husband set out to make sure their child’s life is filled with a variety of people who love and care for him even if they’re not related. “You need to appreciate the present, and the family you have at this time in life,” he said.įinding a way with or without grandparentsĬreating your own extended family or “intentional community,” in the words of Avital Norman Nathman, host of the blog The Mamafesto, is another way to cope when blood grandparents are not in a child’s life because of age or circumstance. “If that’s what it takes to get to 90, I’ll do it,” he writes.īut Bishop also learned another lesson from his tightly wound grandfather, which is to “chill out.” He said you can’t spend too much time worrying about what might have been or what will be. In a beautiful, must-read blog post, Bishop talks about the six things he learned from his grandfather, including the importance of “paying attention to the little guy,” planning for the future, and sleeping naked and having a cookie before going to bed. Those numbers take on added significance when he thinks about his relationship with his grandfather, who just turned 90 this year. “I guess my message would be don’t necessarily discount having kids in your 20s.”īuzz Bishop, a father of two in Calgary, Alberta, and the founder of the blog Dad Camp, said he sometimes laments how long it took him to “get things together” and settle down and have a family.Īt 45, and with boys just ages 5 and 7, he will be 73 if his older son has a child at 35, 78 if he has a kid at 40. “But it’s another piece of the equation that maybe having kids when your parents are a little younger, you will get some help and you’ll be able to lean in more,” she said. “I don’t think there’s any one answer for every woman,” said Schrobsdorff. They’ve heard everything from “ Princeton Mom” Susan Patton, who has said women should find their mates in college, to Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, who says women should lean in and give their careers a chance. The last thing she wants to do, she said, is create more anxiety for young women, especially after women have been bombarded with so many different – and often conflicting – messages. Schrobsdorff, who has carved out a successful career in the women’s space, is as supportive of women’s rights and choices as one can get, which is why she approached this topic cautiously. “If somebody had said, ‘OK, we’ll give you those three or four years with your mom, an extra three or four years,’ right now, I might take it,” she said.Įditor: Don’t discount having kids in your 20s That special bonding time plus the help her mom gave her when she needed a break from child care have led her to wonder in hindsight about her decision not to have children until four years after she was married. ![]() She thinks about the relationship her mom had with her daughters when she was alive, how she would read them poetry and get on the floor to build dollhouses with them. ![]()
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